Category Archives: Bodily Functions

Even ‘for better or worse’ has its limits

Things I would not accept from my husband, even though we promised ‘for better or worse’: His chewed food in my hands His snot on my sleeve His mouth near my boob His stinky feet in my face His farts on my … Continue reading

Posted in Banter, Bodily Functions, Family, NaBloPoMo, The "mommy" in me | Leave a comment

Realtors totally don’t know how to really earn their commission

When in the process of buying a house, there are things that we certainly do not think of. We’re all, “oh, look at the cute yard” and “ooooh, the Christmas tree will go THERE!” The realtor smiles and upsells these very … Continue reading

Posted in Bodily Functions, NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments

It ain’t all coos and cuddles

Moms lie. No joke. For years all I’ve heard is that birth is a beautiful thing, a “miracle,” if you will. And the bonding that a mother and child have during the first few months is priceless. I can’t argue … Continue reading

Posted in Bodily Functions, Post pregnancy, Pregnancy | 1 Comment

He was a C-section right???

People? I ejected a human being effortlessly at warp speed from my nether regions. An offspring that we were estimating to be about 8 lbs, a breeze compared to the 9 lb delivery I had just two short years ago. After approximately … Continue reading

Posted in Bodily Functions, Family, Oh, how I love him, Post pregnancy, Pregnancy, Proud mama, The "mommy" in me | 5 Comments

One big cruel joke

You know, this miracle of life process that I’m going through sure has a happy ending, however, getting to that magic moment of delivery is cruel, painful, and not only makes most of my own day and night miserable, but … Continue reading

Posted in Bodily Functions, I'm Crazy, Pregnancy, Sexy time, What the Eff? | 4 Comments

They should really make that hole bigger

I like to say my life is like a sitcom, however, recently it seems my life has been just.plain.normal. Nothing too funny or out of the ordinary, which is nice sometimes. Until Thanksgiving week. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy … Continue reading

Posted in Bodily Functions, I'm Crazy, Pregnancy | 3 Comments

It’s all coming back

Oh yes, this is what it was like to be pregnant. Silly me, I seem to have blocked out the memories and only seemed to remember my excitement of that positive pregnancy test and the occasional douchebaggery that was more often than … Continue reading

Posted in Bodily Functions, I'm Crazy, Pregnancy | 3 Comments