Tutorial: The locked bathroom

Let me stress… I am a mom… of BOYS. And when I say boys, I mean “everything they do is dangerous and makes me gasp for air and I’m waiting for someone to be sent to the emergency room at any moment” boys.

So, from one parent to another (or for future parents) I will now save you the trouble of figuring out how to save your child who has locked himself in the bathroom (because, you know, he thinks it’s HILARIOUS).

Simple answer? Use a key, or a penny because you are smart and could see that any other doorknob with a lock is unacceptable with small children due to the risk of one of your children locking themselves in a room because they happen to THINK IT’S HILARIOUS.

Or, if you are like me and live in a ridiculously old place that has stupidly old doorknobs, please do the following:

  1. In your sweetest mom (or dad) voice say “Hey, honey? can you unlock the door?”
  2. Say a little louder (since he is clearly ignoring you and laughing) “HONEY? Can you turn the lock like you did before???”
  3. A little slower and a little louder…. “Hey (insert child’s name here)? I need you to turn the lock and open the door for mummy, please.”
  4. At this point you’ve probably heard “No” a few times, and a good amount of laughter.
  5. Go grab the skinniest screwdriver you have in the house. If you’re like me, you have very few options, but hopefully you find something in the junk drawer that will fit in that damn hole.
  6. Stick the screwdriver in the hole and pretend like you have any idea how to unlock a door with a screwdriver. This requires approximately 5 minutes of just jiggling a screwdriver so it makes a clicky noise over and over again.
  7. Start to panic. Try as hard as possible to hide that from your 3 1/2 year old child who’s saying “Mummy, what will Lucas do if we can never get him out???”
  8. Get a bigger screwdriver.
  9. Begin to take the whole doorknob off.
  10. Try not to panic more as you start hearing your child panic inside the bathroom. Start screaming “it’s okay honey, I’m coming! I’m going to get you!” (because, you know, that won’t make him panic more).
  11. Call your ex when you realize that once you get half the doorknob off, the other half won’t come off and you cannot do ANYTHING with the mechanics inside the doorknob to get it unlocked.
  12. Panic even more… Start banging the screwdriver into the doorknob as hard as you can in hopes that it will just fall apart.
  13. Just stop trying. Because that’s when your effing bastard of a child will just unlock the door and open it.

You win, little man.

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About Krista

Livin the poor life with the typical american family; husband, baby, and dogs. Happy to tell it like it is, the ins and outs of being a young, hip mom can be more hilarious than one might think ;)
This entry was posted in Boys do silly things, Oh, how I love him, Toddler Tantrums, What the Eff?. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Tutorial: The locked bathroom

  1. Jenny Joseph says:

    Gah that would drive me nuts! I probably would have found something heavy and pounded a hole in the door. . . good for you for not doing that 🙂

  2. Morgan says:

    This is, I’m sorry to state the obvious, but HILARIOUS. This happened once with my girl and I can totally feel that panic right now, just thinking about it. UGH, kids are the worst.

    Glad to have you back, by the way!! I’m happy you’re happy. 🙂

  3. vernonmylife says:

    LOL, my kids (girl and boy) are adults but I remember.

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