I need an ugly cry.
The kind where you’re curled up in the shower, water flowing over your face, waving your metaphorical white flag. When you can’t hide the obvious sounds of emotion, and the hyperventilation sets in between deep breaths. When every emotion that’s been building explodes through your eyes…. and clenched hands.
The kind where you wake up in the morning, eyes swollen, head pounding. Where the comfort of the warm blankets over your head makes you feel safe, segregated from the world that you’re trying to escape.
It seems the times we need this type of pure release are the times when we just can’t allow it. The chaos around us forces us to remain sane. As sane as an insane chaos can be. No time to be weak, no time to let go. No moment of privacy to truly be who you need to be.
It’s at these times when I pray I can hold it in, but pray at the same time to find that release.