I fart in my sleep. A LOT.

With that said, I don’t fart in front of anyone. I mean N-E-ONE. Not my friends, not my family, not even my husband. (well, maybe Owen, he doesn’t judge)

Except in my sleep. Like every night. It’s usually in that place just between awake and asleep, where I startle myself back awake. When I’m not quite sure if it was really me, or if what I heard was a dream. And usually it’s loud. Like probably can be heard from the next room. And then I laugh, a little out of embarrassment and a little out of pure amazement that I have done it yet again.

Then I lay there. Silent. Waiting for any reaction from Dave. Did he hear me? Should I say something? Was it really me? Bless his heart. Whether he really is asleep, or whether he’s just silent because he knows that I die when anyone hears me fart, he doesn’t say anything. Or giggle, or make fun of me the next day. He pretends like it never happened.

Until we’re in a big group of people. And he says loudly, “Krista farts in her sleep.”


About Krista

Livin the poor life with the typical american family; husband, baby, and dogs. Happy to tell it like it is, the ins and outs of being a young, hip mom can be more hilarious than one might think ;)
This entry was posted in Bodily Functions, I'm Crazy. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Skeletons

  1. I had a boyfriend for 2 years and didn’t fart once in front of him. We lived together too. I would sit in the commode and bite my lip and turn the water on so I could let one go without him hearing. I was mortified at the thought of anyone hearing me fart. I lived much of my evenings in crampy pain.

    Fast forward a couple of years and I am with someone new (my hubs to be) on our 3rd date he says “I’m sorry but if you are with me you have to deal with my gas.” He was lucky he was hot. I think it took me about 6 months of putting up with his butt before I gave in and shot one back at him. It’s been war ever since and we are going on 10 yrs together. I must say it’s nice not to be grimacing in pain. Let those air biscuits float!

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