The cause of all womenly fatness

I didn’t join McFatty last week. I wasn’t even going to try. Why? I was bloated. WAY bloated. And we all know that bloat = water weight gain and water weight gain = the facade of actual weight gain and the facade of actual weight gain = loss of motivation and loss of motivation = getting fat again. Therefore, through the transitive property of equality, bloating = getting fat again.  (Yes, I definitely said the transitive property of equality. I’m an engineer, cut me some slack)

I’m willing to bet that there are numerous cases out there where a woman weighed herself as her body is preparing to wreak havoc on her and saw a gain on the scale.  Because of that gain, I’m willing to bet that the motivation she may have had previously was lost, even for a minute, even if she knew that that weight gain is entirely due to too much salt, a painful uterus, and raging hormones.

I’m guessing that at least one time, somewhere in the world, a woman put on her jeans. Her jeans that usually fit, and today, instead of buttoning right up, they required a good sucking in, and resulted in a muffin top and a shirt that hugs in all the wrong places.  And because of this, that woman decided that losing weight is a lost battle, and gave up.

What have we learned here friends? We’ve learned that periods are the devil. Period.

Not that we hadn’t already learned that lesson when we’re keeled over on the couch with what feels like someone squeezing our uterus like a sponge after the dishes are done.  Or when we’re too tired to get up in the morning. Or when we’re in a meeting and leaking and there’s no way to do anything about it. (TMI? you’ve all lived it).

So, yeah, we already knew it. But, I just proved it. Periods are the reason we all have trouble losing weight.  It couldn’t possibly be the ice cream, or the beer, or Heaven forbid, my Starbucks. No, not the Starbucks. Definitely the periods.

Side note. Lost another pound. Good, not great. But considering I had quite a few family affairs (oh, and a whole bucket of Mocha Almond ice cream) in the last couple of weeks, we’ll take it as a win!


About Krista

Livin the poor life with the typical american family; husband, baby, and dogs. Happy to tell it like it is, the ins and outs of being a young, hip mom can be more hilarious than one might think ;)
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4 Responses to The cause of all womenly fatness

  1. Kate says:

    Right on. The being who designed the female reproductive system has a lot of people to answer to. Or a lot of people to buy chocolate-covered pretzels for. One or the other. (Can you tell I’m having a post-chocolate-covered-pretzel-ridden-weekend bout of guilt?)

  2. You took the words right out of my mouth! I’m in that place today. I always gain not one, not two, but 5 freakin pounds right before my period. And they are magically gone a week later. It is very frustrating, but i guess if you know it’s coming then you can be prepared for it…

  3. a-freakin’-men.

    It’s amazing how I “gained” 3 lbs in one day & started my period the next.

  4. Mama Durso says:

    You had me at “the transitive property of equality”… seriously. All the great descriptions of our least favorite house guest were just icing.

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