Nothing says “I’m not ready for another baby” like hyperventilating over a “thinking” pregnancy test late at night. Trying not to stare at the hourglass blinking on the completely obvious digital ept test, my heart was beating harder than it was walking down the aisle on my wedding day. I kept looking away, not wanting to see “pregnant” every time I looked back. And God was on my side that night, and finally the blinking stopped and “Not Pregnant” appeared before me on that digital reader.
The first day I suspected I might be pregnant (1 day late) , I thought ‘well, probably just late, I’ve been very stressed, but might be nice to be pregnant again’. Day 2: ‘hmmm… never really late..’ and started looking up statistics on how often stress can cause a missed period (yeah, I’m like 12). Day 3: ‘ooohhh, maybe I am pregnant!!’ Day 4: ‘tomorrow I am buying a test, and maybe I shouldn’t have that beer’. Day 5: stop off at CVS, have that weird embarrassed feeling paying for a pregnancy clerk even though I’m 30 and MARRIED… Absolutely sure I’m pregnant, and starting to panic.
Dave and I know that we want to start “trying” again soon. Drawing out the amount of time that I’m pregnant and not sleeping is not something I’m interested in. And remember a few months back I went back on the pill to avoid just this situation? Yeah, well, that lasted all of 2 months because I was sick of forgetting to take my pills and barfing from the crazy rollercoaster of hormones I was on. So, Dave and I are back on the trusty not trying but not doing a whole lot to 100% prevent sperm from meeting egg method.
I still think it’ll be soon. But like the fall soon. I at least need that raise I’ve been begging for, or else daycare will never be paid for if we have another one. Perhaps even that new job I’ve been trying to obtain. And I’d like to get through the last few weekends of the summer with the ability to drink some beers before I spend 9 months sipping on Dave’s (gasp! Yes, I sip on beers and have a glass of wine time to time while with child, don’t judge!). I obviously wasn’t ready this time, and I’m glad I know that, but now I’m starting to wonder when is the time?? Up until I took the test I thought I might want it to be positive, then freaked out when the time actually came. I guess I’ll never be truly sure, I mean jumping from only 1 to 2 will be scary.
And wouldn’t you know, I spent $20 to get a two pack of the digital pregnant/not pregnant tests, just so I didn’t have to guess at that elusive faint pink line, and of course the very next morning my not pregnant status was confirmed by finally getting my visit from my monthly friend… seriously??? Could have used that $20 elsewhere, like towards my “pay my in-laws back for the furnace they had to just pay for” fund.