While sitting quietly in my cube, as I usually do, while my cubicle community yells to each other from a distance at sonic boom level, I can hear my adversaries consoling my number 1 despised neighbor “Target Girl”. They tell her not to worry, she doesn’t seem convinced. The conversation goes on and on… Don’t get me wrong, I am a sympathetic person. I have my own problems and I can understand that others have theirs. Even if I have complete dislike for you, I can push those feelings aside if I see you suffering. No one deserves to suffer (well, child molesters maybe, but I digress).
What was upsetting my friend Target Girl to the point where she needs to share her news with the entire office??? A fight with her husband? A problem with her baby? Perhaps work has gotten a little too stressful? If you said “She lost her phone charger.” Then ding ding ding!!! You’d be right.
I can agree… losing your phone charger is a pain in the butt. I don’t have a home phone, so if I were to lose all charge in my phone I’d be lost… No texting? No email?? YIKES…. but this was not the cause of her sorrow… no… It was the fact that she needs to get a new phone now. My immediate thought was “why not just buy a new charger?” But this did not seem to be an option. She immediately said that since she lost the charger, she needs a new phone.
Okay, that’s another annoyance, though sometimes I get excited for a new phone… all shiny, new functions, endless opportunities!!! But this was also not what was concerning to her to point of needing consolation. Then WHAT? you ask? Because that means she’ll lose her phone number.
Now I’m picturing that little emoticon on IM that has a big surprised face on and shakes his head every few seconds in complete amazement. I picture him saying “WHHHAAAAH?” with an upswing emphasis on the AAAH. Yes, this is her tragedy. After all these years of having the same phone number, she’ll now need to switch it.
Okay, here’s where you say “but, every time I’ve gotten a new cell phone I have kept my number” and that’s where I say “yes, that’s how it works for the REST OF THE WORLD.” But this girl, in all her dumb glory, was convinced that with every new phone comes a new number. So, in comes the consoling. All of her friends (almost equally as dumb, though obviously they know how cell phone service works) continued to assure her that when she gets a new phone, she does not need to get a new number. And that even with some phone services, she can get a new phone for free! (an amazing revelation, I know) But she insists… “I’ve had that number forever, I’d be devastated if I needed to give it up!” Obviously not listening. Again they make attempts to convince her that all will be okay, and the Cell Phone Store will know what to do.
End of breakdown.
Now, besides the entertainment that I get from someone being so obviously dumb and unable to survive on their own, I get angry. Why? Well, for one, I have to listen to her EVERY day, and every day I’m amazed at just how dumb she is… but the bigger reason is this: She is my counterpart. She is at the exact same level, does the exact same job, but for another group. I spent 6 years of my life struggling through an engineering degree and an MBA… she can’t fathom that you get the same number with a new cell phone. She constantly screws up her email. She has been yelled at in Target for leaving her baby in another aisle. This is the person I am compared to. The person who somehow had the right credentials to do this job, the same job I do.
It scares me… no, really. I don’t need everyone to praise my smarts, but I would like some confirmation that I, in no way, compare to her in brains and life. I know the truth, but I swear, if one person thinks I in any way compare to the dolt of a woman she is, I might lose it.