Dear Milka,

My stomach would like to personally thank you.  Not only because after all 100 grams of your creamy goodness I want to throw up, but because of the handles of love you give me to show how much you care.  You are nice enough to give me illustrated instructions on how to undress you completely, in case your paper wrapping is too difficult for me to figure out on my own.  I am so glad to have you in my life to squash my motivation to become the thin, healthy sex-machine I once was, and for making sure I am unsuccessful in my hopes to post a positive McFatty message every Monday.  If it weren’t for my sweet friend Christine setting us up on our blind date today, I would never have known how much I would enjoy spending time with you. 

Our affair was wrong though, Milka, and it must end now.  We had one whirlwind day of passion, one that I’ll remember for years to come.  But I had a lapse in judgement and cannot consciously stay in a relationship that I know is unhealthy.  So, we must part ways here.  I’ll cherish the time we had and hope you find someone who is better suited for you.  I must go back to my stable, positive relationship with salad, fruit, and water.  It was fun while it lasted, and maybe some day in the future when we’re both in a better place we can try again, but for now, we have our memories.

Please do not contact me.  I will find you if I need you.  Don’t show up at my desk again like you did today. 

It was fun while it lasted,


PS.  Please tell your friend Santa that I cannot continue to see him either.  Though, it might be tough for him to date at this point since I completely mutilated him.  Tell him I am sorry for that, it is another of my regrets.

RIP Santa


About Krista

Livin the poor life with the typical american family; husband, baby, and dogs. Happy to tell it like it is, the ins and outs of being a young, hip mom can be more hilarious than one might think ;)
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5 Responses to Dear Milka,

  1. Mrs. Priss says:

    Okay, you say I’m hilarious?? This had me rolling up here at my desk, and I’m sure all my coworkers think I’m a nutjob now. The ‘handles of love’… lol. I think I found my new blogger BFF… it’s going to get really weird from here on out with me in your life, so be prepared.

  2. Mrs. Priss says:

    and I obviously use “…” too much as well. It’s fate. haha

    • True To Life says:

      Haha, I wish there was somewhere on your blog where everyone could see that I’m thanking you for being my blogger BFF/Stalker (cause let’s be honest, that’s what we do 😉 ) THANKS!!

  3. I’ve got a number of “lover” I need to break up with as well. I’ve never been good w/severing ties, though so don’t be surprised if I leave my husband for a box of cookie dough. And, I read your previous post as well (’cause I’ve got plenty of time on my hands due to some record breaking weather we are having) and I’m a Teen Mom-aholic as well. Think it’s subliminal messages. Plus they are so hopeless at times I just want things to work out for them.

  4. Pingback: McFatty Story Time « True to life

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