Every day, I spend my lunch hour at my mom’s who conveniently lives within walking distance from work. To be honest, I could probably go to the cafeteria with the rest of my co-workers, however, I dislike most of them, and having an hour every day, ALL ALONE, laying on a couch with my lunch and TV is so much more attractive to me than schmoozing it up with people I can’t stand and avoid whenever possible. Any-hoo, for the hour between 12 and 1 pm I am completely lazy in front of the 25-inch screen, learning my daily lesson of fashion from Stacy and Clinton.
Tuesday I plopped down for my daily fix, with mommy today because she had the week off (super special!) and made continuous comments about how AWFUL this woman was. She was one for the record books, I’m serious. Besides her lack of fashion, the woman spent the first 5 minutes of the show with a pack of butts in her hand and a cig in between her pointer and middle finger… classy… she insisted on swearing every 2 minutes (I’m sure going down in history as the show most bleeped on TLC), and come to find out, she’s 33, but must have lived a HARD life because she could have easily passed for 45. I’ve never commented so much about someone on the show. Most of the time, I can forsee the change; it’s easy to picture the transformation in each “contestant” (for lack of better word). Not this woman… no… she is one of those women that will go right back to jeans and baby tees, and will continue to offend with her trucker language (she is an accountant mind you, I’m AMAZED, she has a job while wearing mini skirts and repeating s**t ever other word). Anyway, I’m not judging (though it sounds like it!) some people just don’t look the part, and they’re happy, I respect that….
What I really thought was funny about the episode is that after a full hour of me making snide comments about how this lady is seriously mind-blowing in her lack of lady-ness, commenting about how she can’t possibly think her outfits are appropriate for work and “dressing for the job you want” will never apply to her, my mom looked at me, gazed up and down and said “are you the pot calling the kettle black?”
I looked down… And I shart you not, this was my outfit from head to toe: (and yes, I was at work that day)
1.) my black, cotton MATERNITY t-shirt, very plain, obviously way too big, and obviously not ironed.
2.) a grey frayed zip up sweatshirt (fitted)
3.) over that? DAVE’S XL dark grey zip up sweatshirt with bleach stains on it (and by XL, I mean, down to my knees, sleeves at least 4 inches longer than my arms)
4.) my uggs
5.) a rat ball on the top of my head… most likely not even brushed
and the pièce de résistance:
6.) skinny jeans (to go under my uggs) with….. wait for it….. a rip LITERALLY 9 inches long from below my knee to my thigh. YUP, up and down and side to side. My ENTIRE knee and half my leg showing through this rip.
I wish I had a picture because my mom was so right. But, to defend myself, the rip was not quite that big when I put the jeans on in the morning (they ripped as I attempted to get Owen out of the car) AND I knew I would not see ANYONE during the day because my whole group is in Paris for the week… but seriously, it was bad for any public display.
My response to her? “Yeah, but I KNOW my outfit is inappropriate!” Does that make it any better… Or perhaps worse?? Yes, I think worse…. I went out of the house looking like that and KNEW how bad I looked. Do I ever take Stacy and Clinton’s advice to “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”?? Not really. And now, more than ever, when I’m feeling crappy about my body image, and tired from sleepless nights, probably a little dressing up for work would do me some good. But you know what would do me even better? $5000 and a trip to new york 🙂 Anyone want to nominate me? I assure you I wear pajamas to the grocery store, the worst offense on the show, so I think I’m a prime candidate 🙂