Last night during our recurring 3 am date, I did something I NEVER do. Our nightly feeding routine is: Bottle (and Tylenol this past week) then diaper change and right back in bed, where he babbles for a minute or so and goes right back to sleep. But last night I did something all sleep-deprived mothers may cringe at…. I kept him up.
We rocked back and forth, staring into each other’s eyes. Examined each other’s hands with our fingers. I must have kissed his cheeks 50 times, and his forehead 100. We smiled at each other and I listened to everything he had to say (surely it was “I love you, mummy”), interrupted by a few farts (his, not mine). I thought about how much I truly love him, no matter how tired I am at 3 am every night (and midnight, and 4 am, etc). No matter how much he tests my patience, I never lose control… something that I cannot say I achieve with Dave.
It took years of friendship with Dave to discover that we were meant to be together, yet in one second I was sure I would love Owen forever. It seems crazy to say, but I love him more and more with each day (shouldn’t I have loved him completely already?) as his personality develops, his smiles get bigger, his intelligence grows. He knows me now, he prefers me to anyone else. He’s my own little man. The bond we have is so immense, something no one else will ever know.
There won’t be many more times that he’ll allow me to rock, stare into his eyes, and hold him so tightly. We complain every night that we want sleep, yet, some day we will look back and cherish our sleepless nights. We’ll wonder how we survived it, and decide it’s time to do it again. Children are magic that way 🙂