Women have this unsubstantiated theory that if they drop subtle hints then they will not need to ever tell their husbands a.) what they want for their birthday and Christmas b.) how they are feeling emotionally (and why) and c.) what it is they want them to do to help out. No matter how many times we try this method of getting what we want, it has yet to work…. So, why do we continue to assume that our husbands are going to automatically do what we expect them to do? You know what happens when you assume? Yes, it makes a DEFINITE ass out of you and me.
I can’t complain too much. Dave really does do a lot for me. He does every “man” job imaginable. I never have to ask him to take the trash out, and he has never even mentioned the fact that I have never shoveled our driveway during the millions of nor’ easters we’ve had. The dogs are always fed and I never even have to check to see when my oil needs changing because he’s well aware. However, when it comes to helping me with household chores or the baby, I need to modify my approach.
I can count on one hand (or maybe one finger) how many nights I have not had to get up with Owen…. I can be sure that is not the case for Dave. Now, before anyone assumes that I am the one that needs to be up anyway, how else will he eat??? Well, I never breast fed… I pumped up until recently, for logistical reasons (i.e. my nipples are inverted… you try latching on to something that’s retreating like a game of whack-a-mole) and we were always feeding him formula at night due to his bad gas problems (it was the only way we could sleep for more than 2 hours without a screaming gassy baby). I would pump once a night AFTER one of his feedings, meaning I would feed Owen, then after 30 minutes of feeding, burping, and changing, I would THEN spend 20 minutes pumping. There were times that Dave would wake up (maybe once a night) and feed him while I pumped… but I would be up all of the other times as well.
Once we moved Owen to his room it got even worse because Dave can hide now. Before, I was in the bed right next to him, so he couldn’t pretend for long that he was asleep. But now, he can lay there and continue his slumber because once the crying starts I am in the other room with a bottle and he can fall right back asleep. Sometimes he’ll go to the bathroom during the feeding and walk right by Owen’s door. On his way back, it’s like the flash, I barely can make out a human in the blur that flies by. Sometimes he’ll make a comment like “he’s up again?” or “Naughty baby, he should stay asleep.” This is where I get mad. If you KNOW he’s been up more than once, don’t you think it’s courteous to come in and say “Honey, you’ve already been up, let me take him” or “Do you need any help? You’ve been up with him the last (enter high number here) nights.”
Nothing. Or those days when I say “Saturday Owen better be good because I am down to my last pair of undies and there’s not a clean plate in the house, and I can’t get anything done when I have to watch him the whole time” In woman speak this means “you need to watch the baby on Saturday because I NEED To get things done before I lose it”. In terms of the night feedings, I make comments like “why should you be tired, I’m the one who got up the last 5 nights with him” Come Saturday or the next night that I’m up, he’s saying he was thinking of going somewhere, or doing something or sleeping right through any noise coming from crib-ville. My hints have gone un-noticed.
Most recently, my comments have been “I’m so sick… All I want to do is take nyquil and get a full night’s sleep, but I can’t because I can’t be in a coma when he needs to be fed tonight”… translation “PLEASE take the baby tonight and let me take nyquil and become a vegetable until my alarm goes off”
Men have it right when they say “If you want something just TELL me, I can’t figure it all out!!” But we women think that they should be sensitive and pick up on these subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints. After years of attempting to train them to submit to our “hidden” needs we should really have learned. But why haven’t we? I guess I am generalizing. I could be one of the only women out there still playing this “figure out what I want and if you don’t get it right I will hold it over your head for at least the next year” game. Am I?
I’m a complainer… yes, and I appologize for that. And I love my husband more than anything in the world. He’s one of the nicest guys, and truly treats me right. Sometimes I think he’s a little slow though 😉