Okay, before anyone gets on the phone with DSS (my sister is a mandated reporter, so if I was that bad, I’d already be childless), I do NOT really want to give up my child…. however, I cannot lie and say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind in the last 72 hours. It’s been endless pooping, teething, crying, bouncing, and diaper rash; not to mention the FOUR times we were up in the middle of the night Tuesday. Every second I spent bouncing around the living room, with my back breaking and head pounding, I kept thinking “I must be the only one dealing with this, because how can anyone survive it??” Well, truth is, I know that I’m not the only one, but during those moments where you think that your child can’t get any worse and there will never be any relief, it’s easy to think that no other mother has had to endure this torture.
Back to the topic at hand…. The thought crossed my mind a few times, especially at 3am, after already being up 2 times, that there has to be someone I can give my child to, just for a few hours. And during the day, when I had not had the chance to 1.) go to the bathroom, 2.) brush my teeth, or 3.) eat a morsel of food, I thought “what can I possibly do to get just ONE HOUR of relief??” Of course, everyone I know was working or was someone who I would not wish this torture upon. However, if there was some place, for just one day, I could drop him off, where the only job of these people was to bounce and feed and change and coddle babies, I would have NO problem doing so.
You might be thinking “well, that is daycare”. Unfortunately (well FORTUNATELY) we do not have a day care. We have been so blessed to have family and friends who watch him four days a week and then I am so lucky to have the flexibility to have Fridays off (another reason I will not quit this awful brainless job). So, while I would have NO problem dropping him off for the day at daycare so I can enjoy a vacation day, I did not have that option, and really, would just feel so bad sending my kid off for someone else to have to spend every single second of their day dealing with him. So, my idea? Safe Haven for a day…. a place where there are well-trained adults who wear some hefty ear plugs and get paid a very good salary to do everything in their power to make your baby feel better.
Am I a bad parent for thinking of this? Here’s my thought on it. At the surface this seems awful. Don’t I want to be the one who makes my baby feel better when he’s sick? Don’t I want him to equate feeling better with “mommy”? Yes… however, after 72 hours of doing this with no results because there’s just nothing else that can be done, wouldn’t 4 hours of peace make me a better mother? After 4 amazing hours of quiet, doing whatever I want (most likely napping and a few loads of laundry… oh yeah, and a pee break or two), don’t you think I would be ready again to endure the heavenly bliss of caring for my teething, crying, needing to be bounced child once again??? I think, yes 🙂
I write this now, about 30 hours since the last outburst has ended, thinking “well, it wasn’t really that bad.” It’s so funny how I can think that, when yesterday I was contemplating sending Dave to be neutered. Mothers have this amazing ability to so quickly forget the agony of pregnancy, the horror of childbirth, and the torture of infancy. God definitely knew what he was doing when he created these magic memories in women, because if we were to actually remember what we were going through at the time, the population would be considerably lower than it is now, considering every woman would stop at one child, no question.